The best week ever...

I thought about not writing this blog post, but "blog about it" keeps ringing in my head. Besides the fact, my BFF said "you never know who can benefit from your experience." So here it goes...in all vulnerability and candor...I'm excited and anxious to share this "out loud."

This past week was the best week ever, in 4 months, and it's all because of my new mindset. Again, my BFF asked me "what prompted this" and even through the first part of the conversation, I acted like...I didn't know and that is was just a feeling... I do know. I owe the 'shift' to a thought I had about myself and the way I'm sabotaging myself at home...when I'm alone. I am genuinely happy and focused and involved in several social circles, but when I'm home...alone...I have to deal with her, whom I've come to learn is my inner critic, we'll call her Harriet. :)

Truth is, thinking back to myself as a roommate, I have always eaten Ben and Jerry's in the corner of the kitchen with the lights off...when everyone else is in another room. Or now that I have my OWN house...when husband is away - Ben and Jerry and I will play. So I started to really wonder WHY?! Why when I've committed to bootcamp, getting up at 5:15am 3 days a week, am I still sabataging myself with 3 glasses of wine, or 3 light beers, or pizza, or Ben and Jerry's? I know what I want...what am I afraid of?

I searched for "emotional eating" and found the book that I believe...has prompted my life change. It's "Shrink Yourself by Roger Gould,M.D" It's been ONE WEEK so I have a ways to go, but starting is key....

The book resignates...whether it's eating,drinking,obsessive exercising, etc....the thought process is that we use these vices to escape the insecurity we feel, the solitude, the fear....bottom line - the powerlessness.

As I'm reading I'm thinking...what in the world do I feel so powerless about? I'm a confident, well-spoken, assertive, HAPPY woman! And that's when it dawns on me...I am completely powerless to the fact that Bill's passion, expertise, and drive have landed him a job that took him to Afghanistan. Although I'm supportive to the utmost degree...the fact that what he NEEDED to do for his career AND For US took him away...is out of my control.

So I've allowed myself to feel powerless in ALL walks of life the past few months. I've allowed myself to feel like I couldn't get away from the dogs, I couldn't work in an exercise routine, I couldn't find a new job, and I can't be too independent. My inner critic, Harriet, has said I'm not good enough - I've been in a dead end job for a year - I'm not confident enough - anything new scares me - I'm not assertive enough - people don't like 'ballsy' women. What I've come to learn through the book and my week is that none of this is true. The one thing I can't control is Bill's job is in Afghanistan (although again...it was a mutual decision he'd take it). But what I CAN control is myself, my decisions, the way i conduct myself, and the healthy, confident woman he comes back to.

This week has been priceless. I've not drank a drop, eaten VERY healthy, drank my 2 liters of water, exercised regularly, and just have a confident, less fear-ridden, approach to life. It's feels good...really good!