It's what this medium is for, right?! To talk about how I'm feeling during these 13.5 months that my husband is away. By the way, it's actually 19.5 months once it's complete, but that's why I didn't post for about 4 months so technically that's another story :)
I'm crazy over Tampa today. I woke up feeling 'Tampa home sick'. When I think of why, I come up with these:
Most definitely, and most importantly, my Besties in Tampa. I miss (in alpha order b/c I couldn't BEGIN to choose which first) Amanda, Andrea, Christie, Jess, Lindsey G., Lindsay H., and Tracy. I'm sure there are more, but these are MY GIRLS and dinner date gals!! I wish I could, selfishly, transport each of you to Raleigh. You'd love it. I promise.
Why else would I be Tampa Home Sick? My commute to work is 30 minutes plus 15 to get in and out of the parking garage to office. FORTY FIVE minutes to get to work. Work 9 hour days (to have every other friday off, not a bad gig) but compared to my 7 minute commute in Tampa? It doesn't compare.
The weather? I got NO breaking in. The week I moved it was comfortable - mid 70s. Two days into it, it dipped low. It then raised slightly for the weekend, and now...it's bitter cold. ANNDD...it doesn't help that my walk from the parking garage to the office is within a wind tunnel. I knew I was NEW to downtown when I seemed to be the ONLY one with a pained look on my face as i waited for the light to change.
It's got to be one of those things where you want what you don't have. In Tampa, I begged Bill both times we went home for the Holidays to move me closer. I begged him through SERIOUS tears...my heart ached. And now that I'm Raleigh...closer to home...I have thoughts of wanting to be back in Tampa where he and I most recently settled. We have memories there....as a married couple. We don't have memories here yet as a partnership. However, I'm looking forward to that changing in 30 days...when he comes home for Christmas and New Years.
So again, I admit...this post is a bit of a 'whine' because it's what I've wanted. The problem is...I don't have entirely what I want and we all know who the missing piece is.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Thursday, September 30, 2010
The things I WON'T miss about Tampa ;)
Dear Ms. Tampa:
I've said I'll miss your sunny days, blue skies, days on the beach in January, and my completely IRREPLACEABLE friends, but here are a few things I WON'T miss:
The chickens that lived behind us when we first moved in (and those that currently roam the schoolyard near the park).
The trash that constantly ends up in our yard because of the trafficy street we live on.
Caution tape just a block away. Still makes me uneasy.
The number of people who knock on my door and ask to mow my lawn.
Cat calls while getting the mail.
The heat. Heat as in standing behind an exhaust pipe, heat.
Rats. Whether in the attic, in the wall, in the garage, or on the back deck. Rats. I won't miss you.
Frogs. They like to mate, live, party (or whatever) in our pond in the backyard. They also like to drive the dogs CRAZY.
Speaking of driving the dogs crazy - the cats across the street. The 5 or 10 cats across the street. I like you, but the dogs don't and well...when they don't - they drive me crazy, so I now don't like you either.
The man who sells fishing poles and whatever else two doors down...I won't miss you.
The EXTENSIVE homeless population. Please know - I wish you well and hope you find homes (or jobs at McD's) but I won't miss you. You hurt my heart every single time I get in my car and see you on every street corner.
Palmetto bugs (i.e. LARGE roach like bugs). I will NOT miss you. Not ONE BIT!
And I won't miss having to take a plane to my most priceless friends in NC and close by. I'll enjoy the drive.
Oh yeah, and one more thing Tampa...I am THRILLED to be going back to a state that actually knows and demonstrates the 'courtesy wave' when driving. It feels good. You should try it.
Until next time Tampa lady - it's been a GREAT ride!!
I've said I'll miss your sunny days, blue skies, days on the beach in January, and my completely IRREPLACEABLE friends, but here are a few things I WON'T miss:
The chickens that lived behind us when we first moved in (and those that currently roam the schoolyard near the park).
The trash that constantly ends up in our yard because of the trafficy street we live on.
Caution tape just a block away. Still makes me uneasy.
The number of people who knock on my door and ask to mow my lawn.
Cat calls while getting the mail.
The heat. Heat as in standing behind an exhaust pipe, heat.
Rats. Whether in the attic, in the wall, in the garage, or on the back deck. Rats. I won't miss you.
Frogs. They like to mate, live, party (or whatever) in our pond in the backyard. They also like to drive the dogs CRAZY.
Speaking of driving the dogs crazy - the cats across the street. The 5 or 10 cats across the street. I like you, but the dogs don't and well...when they don't - they drive me crazy, so I now don't like you either.
The man who sells fishing poles and whatever else two doors down...I won't miss you.
The EXTENSIVE homeless population. Please know - I wish you well and hope you find homes (or jobs at McD's) but I won't miss you. You hurt my heart every single time I get in my car and see you on every street corner.
Palmetto bugs (i.e. LARGE roach like bugs). I will NOT miss you. Not ONE BIT!
And I won't miss having to take a plane to my most priceless friends in NC and close by. I'll enjoy the drive.
Oh yeah, and one more thing Tampa...I am THRILLED to be going back to a state that actually knows and demonstrates the 'courtesy wave' when driving. It feels good. You should try it.
Until next time Tampa lady - it's been a GREAT ride!!
Monday, September 27, 2010
Thank you...
It's been almost 4 months since my last post and if it takes all I've got...I'm going to hit "publish post" at the end of this. I don't know how organized the thoughts will be, but they are my thoughts and they've been here.
My last post - "the halfway point" - was so freakin uplifting. It was so optimistic and positive of me. However, in retrospect...I must have been reeling from the elation of having my best friend and the love of my life home for three whole weeks (in addition to getting to see all of our family.) Because that optimism....soon took a nose dive.
The month of August sucked. Bill and I made a mutual decision that he MAY stay longer. He'd stay until August 2011. His deployment would be 18 months total. We've only been married 1 year and 1 month before he left. A mix of emotions transpired - I felt relief that I had comfort and security in searching for a job in Raleigh or DC, but after that "excitement" wore off...I took a personal nose dive. Not his fault. Not the fault of our circumstances, but the fault of ME not reaching out for external strength.
So September happened..and in September, I got the job offer I'd DREAMED of! I always pictured myself in the "corporate communications" department of a large company and well....Progress Energy certainly meets that criteria. I am so grateful for the opportunity and know that it's MY time. MY time to rock it in my career. My time also...to move us back to Raleigh, NC. Closer to family.
However, change is never easy. Opportunity never comes without cost. It breaks my heart to leave Tampa. It pains me to leave the everyday interaction of my amazing friends here.
I'm going to miss the sunshine and blue skies that are constant in Tampa. I'm going to miss eating dinner on a deck outside at anytime during the year. But those are replaceable. What I'm going to miss that isn't replaceable is my friendships with a few very good friends. Friends who know me and Bill and friends who know me in Bill's absence. Friends whom I would've hand picked - no matter the chapter of life I was in. Friends I want to keep forever. Every single one of you - I want a forever friendship. Pinky swear.
So the thank you comes in that I want to write each of you a personal note of what you mean to me as a friend. How you've made the suckier days less sucky. And the lonely weekends less lonely. How you've made the laughter that much funnier and you've made the good times that much more enjoyable. I want to thank each of you for your sincerity and friendship. And although "see you later" may seem cliche...you KNOW I'm serious and you KNOW I'll hold you to it...and do my part :)
I love you Tampa friends. I love Tampa. I love my Tampa job. And I'll love and nurture all of these relationships in NC the same way I would if I was here. I promise.
My last post - "the halfway point" - was so freakin uplifting. It was so optimistic and positive of me. However, in retrospect...I must have been reeling from the elation of having my best friend and the love of my life home for three whole weeks (in addition to getting to see all of our family.) Because that optimism....soon took a nose dive.
The month of August sucked. Bill and I made a mutual decision that he MAY stay longer. He'd stay until August 2011. His deployment would be 18 months total. We've only been married 1 year and 1 month before he left. A mix of emotions transpired - I felt relief that I had comfort and security in searching for a job in Raleigh or DC, but after that "excitement" wore off...I took a personal nose dive. Not his fault. Not the fault of our circumstances, but the fault of ME not reaching out for external strength.
So September happened..and in September, I got the job offer I'd DREAMED of! I always pictured myself in the "corporate communications" department of a large company and well....Progress Energy certainly meets that criteria. I am so grateful for the opportunity and know that it's MY time. MY time to rock it in my career. My time also...to move us back to Raleigh, NC. Closer to family.
However, change is never easy. Opportunity never comes without cost. It breaks my heart to leave Tampa. It pains me to leave the everyday interaction of my amazing friends here.
I'm going to miss the sunshine and blue skies that are constant in Tampa. I'm going to miss eating dinner on a deck outside at anytime during the year. But those are replaceable. What I'm going to miss that isn't replaceable is my friendships with a few very good friends. Friends who know me and Bill and friends who know me in Bill's absence. Friends whom I would've hand picked - no matter the chapter of life I was in. Friends I want to keep forever. Every single one of you - I want a forever friendship. Pinky swear.
So the thank you comes in that I want to write each of you a personal note of what you mean to me as a friend. How you've made the suckier days less sucky. And the lonely weekends less lonely. How you've made the laughter that much funnier and you've made the good times that much more enjoyable. I want to thank each of you for your sincerity and friendship. And although "see you later" may seem cliche...you KNOW I'm serious and you KNOW I'll hold you to it...and do my part :)
I love you Tampa friends. I love Tampa. I love my Tampa job. And I'll love and nurture all of these relationships in NC the same way I would if I was here. I promise.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Halfway Point
The one thing to be sad about throughout this experience is that the love of my life and best friend aren't here, in person, day-to-day. However, all the other factors are things that make us better individuals and better partners for one another.
I've always considered myself a strong, independent woman. However, there have definitely been times in my life I needed a reminder. And actually, I married one of the best reminders, November 1, 2008. However, during that first year of marriage, I wanted no-conflict, a clean house, a husband who did the yard work and cleaned the garage, and I let Bill make most of the decisions - big and small. All of this, a happy, subconscious, choice of mine.
In a nutshell, this first 6 months has been an opportunity to "reconnect with my independent self," as my hubby put it - and he's right. It also feels very good.
When I moved here one week before our wedding, I moved to "Bill's city" with "Bill's friends" and we went to "Bill's hot spots"....all something I was more than happy to do. But now, I know my way around town, I have my preferences of where to go, and his friends have become my friends and I've got my own friends that I was able to introduce him too during his time at home. And for friends who know my challenge with geography, I sometimes had a better suggestion for getting from point A to point B, for him. :) This shared knowledge of the place we call home, although sounds small, proved really fulfilling for the both of us during his visit.
Our house - it's a great house. We combined a lot of my furniture with his and we haven't spent the time or money to create the Brandi and Bill style we want throughout, but while he's away...I've certainly learned more about what I want that to look like. In the beginning, I wanted the house to look the same when he came home as when he left. However, a good friend suggested a few things and I got the 'nerve' to experiment. I've moved furniture, added color, re-organized, and when Bill came home...we did more of the same...together.
As for the dogs, the dogs are definitely MY dogs. There's no way around it. However, Bill let me take the lead during the break and was also an awesome partner. I love the responsibility they require, I love knowing what's best for them (as best anyone can for animals), and I love having them around. They too loved having daddy home - the rough housing is much more fun with dad than with mom :)
What I've learned up to this point is priceless: I've learned to trust myself. I've lived on my own before, but never with this much responsibility and distance from family.
The confidence I've gained in these 6 months has made me a better partner for when he finally comes home. And his visit home, along with our rediscovery of each other, confirmed this to be true.
I've always considered myself a strong, independent woman. However, there have definitely been times in my life I needed a reminder. And actually, I married one of the best reminders, November 1, 2008. However, during that first year of marriage, I wanted no-conflict, a clean house, a husband who did the yard work and cleaned the garage, and I let Bill make most of the decisions - big and small. All of this, a happy, subconscious, choice of mine.
In a nutshell, this first 6 months has been an opportunity to "reconnect with my independent self," as my hubby put it - and he's right. It also feels very good.
When I moved here one week before our wedding, I moved to "Bill's city" with "Bill's friends" and we went to "Bill's hot spots"....all something I was more than happy to do. But now, I know my way around town, I have my preferences of where to go, and his friends have become my friends and I've got my own friends that I was able to introduce him too during his time at home. And for friends who know my challenge with geography, I sometimes had a better suggestion for getting from point A to point B, for him. :) This shared knowledge of the place we call home, although sounds small, proved really fulfilling for the both of us during his visit.
Our house - it's a great house. We combined a lot of my furniture with his and we haven't spent the time or money to create the Brandi and Bill style we want throughout, but while he's away...I've certainly learned more about what I want that to look like. In the beginning, I wanted the house to look the same when he came home as when he left. However, a good friend suggested a few things and I got the 'nerve' to experiment. I've moved furniture, added color, re-organized, and when Bill came home...we did more of the same...together.
As for the dogs, the dogs are definitely MY dogs. There's no way around it. However, Bill let me take the lead during the break and was also an awesome partner. I love the responsibility they require, I love knowing what's best for them (as best anyone can for animals), and I love having them around. They too loved having daddy home - the rough housing is much more fun with dad than with mom :)
What I've learned up to this point is priceless: I've learned to trust myself. I've lived on my own before, but never with this much responsibility and distance from family.
The confidence I've gained in these 6 months has made me a better partner for when he finally comes home. And his visit home, along with our rediscovery of each other, confirmed this to be true.
Until Next Time...
Until next time....
I will remember your scent.
How soft your hair is.
What your face feels like when I hold it in a kiss.
I grin from ear to ear just thinking of our laughter.
I will work towards the personal goals we discussed....and the collective ones too.
I will love on these pups as if there were two of us here :)
And I will think of you constantly and anxiously await your return.
I love you with all of my heart, darlin. Be safe and hurry back.
I will remember your scent.
How soft your hair is.
What your face feels like when I hold it in a kiss.
I grin from ear to ear just thinking of our laughter.
I will work towards the personal goals we discussed....and the collective ones too.
I will love on these pups as if there were two of us here :)
And I will think of you constantly and anxiously await your return.
I love you with all of my heart, darlin. Be safe and hurry back.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
My Saturday TEST...
Saturdays are typically pretty easy going for me. And if something DOES go off beat, I can usually bring myself back to center by remembering it's Saturday :) This technique was TESTED from 6:20am until 3:30 pm today. I need a nap. Let me explain:
Had a great night with Lindsay and Sara last night - chatting the night away - at Lindsay's house. This morning, I awake naturally, as I do every morning, at 6:20am. I'm relieved it's Saturday, but quickly remember I'm supposed to get the oil changed and tires rotated on Bill's car. This means get in line at the dealership ASAP for the first come, first serve service so that you don't have to spend the DAY there (note the intention this morning as the story progresses).
I pop out of bed, handle the dogs, go to crank his car...and NOTHING. Dead battery. Cars are side by side in the driveway and batteries on opposite sides of the car - cables won't reach. I begin to explore my options...or option...at this point. I think, I could roll/neutral Bill's car back and maybe make it work. However, I quickly began to realize this wasn't a good idea considering Big Betty could EASILY get away from me.
At some point between 6:20am and now, I realize I have left my cell phone at Lindsay's. Great. I called it...no ringing in the house. It must be at Lindsay's. (Well, this is ONE way to pull myself off FB :))
So I email Bill to tell him I don't have the phone and am dealing with dead battery situation. Luckily, he calls the house phone shortly after and tells me - low and behold - there is a battery in the TRUNK of his car. I find out I can jump the battery much easier now. Bada Bing Bada Boom...car is jumped (I MUST admit, I called dad. I had a wine headache and the instructions for which cable went where sounded a bit confusing). All went well.
I head to the dealership at 9:00am. Of course there is a line. I wait until almost 11am for oil change and tire rotation. Haircut is at 11:00 - I've GOT to get out of there. They tell me battery life is 75% and that I 'should be' good to go. I jet out of there at 11:15, race to my hairdresser around the corner, and he agrees to take me late (love ya, Isaac at Toni and Guy, mean it!). I jokingly tell him my car MAY not start again and he very cleverly suggests mall security. Ah-hah....because again, I have somehow managed for forget for the SECOND time this morning that I AM a member of AAA and HAVE been since 2004 (as my card reads) :) Isaac and I chat it up, he knows about Bill coming home, I know about his previous marriage, and we say our good-byes. Turns out...car doesn't start. I go back in the salon and we call mall security.
I wait. And I wait. And I wait...in the hot, Florida, sun. The flashing light on the roof FINALLY comes up my aisle. I waive her down like a stranded person in the desert. I'm SO relieved they offer this service and she has finally come to my rescue.....with a half dead battery booster. Betty does not like the weak attempt to get her purring. She does nothing. Mall cop one calls mall cop two. Mall cop two comes SLOWLY and unprepared. Although I HEARD mall cop one ask for two to come equipped with another battery booster, mall cop two just came for surveillance. No equipment. Therefore, Mall cop one asked mall cop two to return to base and get another booster. As mall cop two talked to herself on the way back to her vehicle and slowly got in her car not in ANY rush...mall cop one, whom I came to learn as Supervisor, and I began to talk.
Supervisor has family in Kuwait, was almost arrested in Saudi Arabia, used to be skinny, but moved to Florida and gained weight. She doesn't like the city much. I saw her beautiful picture of a sunset in Israel and some photos of things in Jerusalem. She wants to remain in the states, but perhaps not Tampa. She's working on losing weight.
Finally, mall cop two shows back up with the proper battery booster and again, bada bing, bada boom, car is jumped.
Oh yeah, forgot to mention, the onlookers HAD to be speculating I had stolen something or was drug smuggling. Why else would I have TWO vehicles with flashing lights by mine AND my trunk open?!! (Remember...battery is in the trunk).
I waived to the nice gentleman sitting in the truck next to us the ENTIRE time who eventually offered to help in anyway he could and who was waiting on someone who was shopping inside the mall. See? Something about his partner who called from Dominican Republic, the airport, and not liking to shop, wanting to go to airport directly - that's why he had been sitting in the car that long. I'm not sure I put all the pieces together, but he was a very nice man and I waived bye.
So where do I go next?! It's 1:30pm, I'm starving, my poor pups have been crossing their legs by now...I go back to the dealership. Again, another place that doesn't move very quickly. They pop my car back up on the battery tester and wouldn't you know it?! A cell was bad in the battery and it DID need replacing. So we replaced the battery. It's now 2:30pm.
I start making my way to Lindsay's with a stop for a burger and fries on the way (that's right..nothing but comfort and wine remedy food here) and eventually get there. She's as drained as I am. Turns out, she's been to my house and back, thinking I was in danger because she couldn't get a hold of me and KNEW I had my own cell phone. This is where I learned...my cell phone HAD to have been at my house the entire time.
I apologize profusely for her troubles and return home to continue the search. Wouldn't you know it?! Just where I had a FEELING it might have been, but neglected to check earlier - I found it.
I'm so tired and it's only 4pm. I'm not cut out for off beat. I'm much prefer smooth sailing :)
Had a great night with Lindsay and Sara last night - chatting the night away - at Lindsay's house. This morning, I awake naturally, as I do every morning, at 6:20am. I'm relieved it's Saturday, but quickly remember I'm supposed to get the oil changed and tires rotated on Bill's car. This means get in line at the dealership ASAP for the first come, first serve service so that you don't have to spend the DAY there (note the intention this morning as the story progresses).
I pop out of bed, handle the dogs, go to crank his car...and NOTHING. Dead battery. Cars are side by side in the driveway and batteries on opposite sides of the car - cables won't reach. I begin to explore my options...or option...at this point. I think, I could roll/neutral Bill's car back and maybe make it work. However, I quickly began to realize this wasn't a good idea considering Big Betty could EASILY get away from me.
At some point between 6:20am and now, I realize I have left my cell phone at Lindsay's. Great. I called it...no ringing in the house. It must be at Lindsay's. (Well, this is ONE way to pull myself off FB :))
So I email Bill to tell him I don't have the phone and am dealing with dead battery situation. Luckily, he calls the house phone shortly after and tells me - low and behold - there is a battery in the TRUNK of his car. I find out I can jump the battery much easier now. Bada Bing Bada Boom...car is jumped (I MUST admit, I called dad. I had a wine headache and the instructions for which cable went where sounded a bit confusing). All went well.
I head to the dealership at 9:00am. Of course there is a line. I wait until almost 11am for oil change and tire rotation. Haircut is at 11:00 - I've GOT to get out of there. They tell me battery life is 75% and that I 'should be' good to go. I jet out of there at 11:15, race to my hairdresser around the corner, and he agrees to take me late (love ya, Isaac at Toni and Guy, mean it!). I jokingly tell him my car MAY not start again and he very cleverly suggests mall security. Ah-hah....because again, I have somehow managed for forget for the SECOND time this morning that I AM a member of AAA and HAVE been since 2004 (as my card reads) :) Isaac and I chat it up, he knows about Bill coming home, I know about his previous marriage, and we say our good-byes. Turns out...car doesn't start. I go back in the salon and we call mall security.
I wait. And I wait. And I wait...in the hot, Florida, sun. The flashing light on the roof FINALLY comes up my aisle. I waive her down like a stranded person in the desert. I'm SO relieved they offer this service and she has finally come to my rescue.....with a half dead battery booster. Betty does not like the weak attempt to get her purring. She does nothing. Mall cop one calls mall cop two. Mall cop two comes SLOWLY and unprepared. Although I HEARD mall cop one ask for two to come equipped with another battery booster, mall cop two just came for surveillance. No equipment. Therefore, Mall cop one asked mall cop two to return to base and get another booster. As mall cop two talked to herself on the way back to her vehicle and slowly got in her car not in ANY rush...mall cop one, whom I came to learn as Supervisor, and I began to talk.
Supervisor has family in Kuwait, was almost arrested in Saudi Arabia, used to be skinny, but moved to Florida and gained weight. She doesn't like the city much. I saw her beautiful picture of a sunset in Israel and some photos of things in Jerusalem. She wants to remain in the states, but perhaps not Tampa. She's working on losing weight.
Finally, mall cop two shows back up with the proper battery booster and again, bada bing, bada boom, car is jumped.
Oh yeah, forgot to mention, the onlookers HAD to be speculating I had stolen something or was drug smuggling. Why else would I have TWO vehicles with flashing lights by mine AND my trunk open?!! (Remember...battery is in the trunk).
I waived to the nice gentleman sitting in the truck next to us the ENTIRE time who eventually offered to help in anyway he could and who was waiting on someone who was shopping inside the mall. See? Something about his partner who called from Dominican Republic, the airport, and not liking to shop, wanting to go to airport directly - that's why he had been sitting in the car that long. I'm not sure I put all the pieces together, but he was a very nice man and I waived bye.
So where do I go next?! It's 1:30pm, I'm starving, my poor pups have been crossing their legs by now...I go back to the dealership. Again, another place that doesn't move very quickly. They pop my car back up on the battery tester and wouldn't you know it?! A cell was bad in the battery and it DID need replacing. So we replaced the battery. It's now 2:30pm.
I start making my way to Lindsay's with a stop for a burger and fries on the way (that's right..nothing but comfort and wine remedy food here) and eventually get there. She's as drained as I am. Turns out, she's been to my house and back, thinking I was in danger because she couldn't get a hold of me and KNEW I had my own cell phone. This is where I learned...my cell phone HAD to have been at my house the entire time.
I apologize profusely for her troubles and return home to continue the search. Wouldn't you know it?! Just where I had a FEELING it might have been, but neglected to check earlier - I found it.
I'm so tired and it's only 4pm. I'm not cut out for off beat. I'm much prefer smooth sailing :)
Thursday, May 20, 2010
7 Days Out...
Will he still laugh at my jokes? Still want to hold my hand for the whole ride in the car? Will he engage himself in the 'house issues' or be distant? As his arrival approaches, and my anxiety and excitement increases....I wonder.
He's a changed man. I know it. I expect it. We anticipated it before his departure on December 5, 2009. But what will this change look like and feel like? The obvious things...he's telling me he's not cutting his hair and maybe just trimming his beard - haha. But what about the changes that aren't on the outside?
Bill has this awesome way of 'compartmentalizing' stuff in his head. Everything from cleaning the showers and toilets (I HATE to do this) and it's just matter of fact for him, to dealing with the images he sees daily in his profession. However, it always makes me wonder if he's doing such a great job of protecting everyone on the outside from what he knows on the inside - who protects him? I've always thought of myself as his protector, but there is concern I can't protect him from this.
I just hope we can be silly like we're used to being and that we'll be able to have a conversation about our weekend plans and which errands we should run on Saturday. I know he'll need rest and I know I won't have all of his mind here because some will remain at work. However, I hope for HIS sake and for my sake as his protector and wife that we can make these upcoming three weeks feel like the three months rest and recharge that I know he deserves.
The things I'm most looking forward to when he arrives? Seeing his smile and hugging him so tight. Touching his face and kissing his lips are TOP priority too. I can't wait for him to return as my "in person" hubby in addition to my "in heart" hubby.
He's an amazing man and we're an incredible team. It will be nice to finally be together again.
He's a changed man. I know it. I expect it. We anticipated it before his departure on December 5, 2009. But what will this change look like and feel like? The obvious things...he's telling me he's not cutting his hair and maybe just trimming his beard - haha. But what about the changes that aren't on the outside?
Bill has this awesome way of 'compartmentalizing' stuff in his head. Everything from cleaning the showers and toilets (I HATE to do this) and it's just matter of fact for him, to dealing with the images he sees daily in his profession. However, it always makes me wonder if he's doing such a great job of protecting everyone on the outside from what he knows on the inside - who protects him? I've always thought of myself as his protector, but there is concern I can't protect him from this.
I just hope we can be silly like we're used to being and that we'll be able to have a conversation about our weekend plans and which errands we should run on Saturday. I know he'll need rest and I know I won't have all of his mind here because some will remain at work. However, I hope for HIS sake and for my sake as his protector and wife that we can make these upcoming three weeks feel like the three months rest and recharge that I know he deserves.
The things I'm most looking forward to when he arrives? Seeing his smile and hugging him so tight. Touching his face and kissing his lips are TOP priority too. I can't wait for him to return as my "in person" hubby in addition to my "in heart" hubby.
He's an amazing man and we're an incredible team. It will be nice to finally be together again.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Captain Bestie....
NO question...*I* have some of the best friends on the planet! And the most wonderful thing is that almost each and every one offers something different. It's the combination of them all that makes me whole.
To me, friendship is unconditional. Friendship is being able to be your silliest self without worrying about being accepted. Friendship is not having to offer disclaimers before you make statements because friends know you well enough not to misunderstand or interpret an undertone.
A friend recently referred to her most favorite friends as "Besties" and I'm snagging that term. However, what is a Bestie?!
I'll define a girlfriend Bestie as she applies to me now...through this year of change, challenge, and more.
A Bestie is someone you can talk to hours on end with and you never feel like it's a conversation in which one is bored and can't wait to get a word in edge wise. It's a conversation filled with the same energy coming from both parties, the same effort made to keep it going. And the same curiosity to want to know more and more and more. And when it's time to wrap it up, just as when you were having a sleepover with an elementary friend, you're not READY for mom to pick you up :)
A Bestie is someone you let your hair down around. When you're people watching (on rare occasion: promise!) she knows you're a good person at heart - no need to disclaim.
When you want to hang out or you want to be alone because you're just ticked you had to get up for the day - you call your Bestie.
A Bestie is comeone you text or email your stream of consciousness to. You're at the deli and there's this awesome crushed ice your Bestie would love - so you let her know: Publix at such and such intersection has our crushed ice.
When you call a Bestie and she's unavailable because of nursing a newborn or caring for two toddlers or for dealing with adolescents - you simply leave a message letting her know you're thinking of her and to call whenever she has a minute - no rush! The initial excitement of your call returns whether she calls an hour later or a week later as you only wanted to catch up when she was not stressed and able to so.
Another thing about a Bestie - she'll tell you to stop self sabotaging your personal goals. And on the other hand you can point out with tact when she's not exactly riding the wagon she intended to take either.
A Bestie cares...genuinely cares - not out of obligation or commitment. A Bestie gives as much as she receives and in turn you feel fulfilled. A Bestie doesn't judge and doesn't always take YOUR side. She's objecive and tactful and strong when you don't think you can be.
Besties are personal cheerleaders for each and every Bestie in their life. It's a great feeling and I'm honored to call many lovely ladies my BESTIES. You know who you are :)Thank you.
To me, friendship is unconditional. Friendship is being able to be your silliest self without worrying about being accepted. Friendship is not having to offer disclaimers before you make statements because friends know you well enough not to misunderstand or interpret an undertone.
A friend recently referred to her most favorite friends as "Besties" and I'm snagging that term. However, what is a Bestie?!
I'll define a girlfriend Bestie as she applies to me now...through this year of change, challenge, and more.
A Bestie is someone you can talk to hours on end with and you never feel like it's a conversation in which one is bored and can't wait to get a word in edge wise. It's a conversation filled with the same energy coming from both parties, the same effort made to keep it going. And the same curiosity to want to know more and more and more. And when it's time to wrap it up, just as when you were having a sleepover with an elementary friend, you're not READY for mom to pick you up :)
A Bestie is someone you let your hair down around. When you're people watching (on rare occasion: promise!) she knows you're a good person at heart - no need to disclaim.
When you want to hang out or you want to be alone because you're just ticked you had to get up for the day - you call your Bestie.
A Bestie is comeone you text or email your stream of consciousness to. You're at the deli and there's this awesome crushed ice your Bestie would love - so you let her know: Publix at such and such intersection has our crushed ice.
When you call a Bestie and she's unavailable because of nursing a newborn or caring for two toddlers or for dealing with adolescents - you simply leave a message letting her know you're thinking of her and to call whenever she has a minute - no rush! The initial excitement of your call returns whether she calls an hour later or a week later as you only wanted to catch up when she was not stressed and able to so.
Another thing about a Bestie - she'll tell you to stop self sabotaging your personal goals. And on the other hand you can point out with tact when she's not exactly riding the wagon she intended to take either.
A Bestie cares...genuinely cares - not out of obligation or commitment. A Bestie gives as much as she receives and in turn you feel fulfilled. A Bestie doesn't judge and doesn't always take YOUR side. She's objecive and tactful and strong when you don't think you can be.
Besties are personal cheerleaders for each and every Bestie in their life. It's a great feeling and I'm honored to call many lovely ladies my BESTIES. You know who you are :)Thank you.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Unconditional...
This post is sappy...no doubt about it. I've said it to Bill and several close friends lately...the "sap" is overflowing now that we are in ALMOST in the 4 week countdown. I can't believe we've been as strong as we've been and I can't believe we've maintained happiness the way that we have. I am proud of myself and proud of him...and I can't wait to wrap my arms around his neck when he lands May 28 :)
This song, although I'm not a huge country fan, says EXACTLY what I've always said..and wanted to say..to Bill. So much so...on our wedding day...as the iron gates of the BEAUTIFUL Revolution Mill opened...and dad and I began our walk down the aisle....the musician, who sang this live, dedicated it from the bride to her groom, per my request. However, our family and many of our friends and those who see us walking hand in hand on the street....THEY know...it goes both ways.
So as I think of the (almost) 6 months we've conquered...I dedicate this song to the love of my life once again. "Cross My Heart" by George Strait
Our love is unconditional, we knew it from the start.
I see it in your eyes, you can feel it from my heart.
From here on after let's stay the way we are right now,
And share all the love and laughter
That a lifetime will allow.
I cross my heart and promise to
Give all I've got to give to make all your dreams come true.
In all the world you'll never find a love as true as mine.
You will always be the miracle that makes my life complete,
And as long as there's a breath in me, I'll make yours just as sweet.
As we look into the future, it's as far as we can see,
So let's make each tomorrow be the best that it can be.
I cross my heart and promise to
Give all I've got to give to make all your dreams come true.
In all the world you'll never find a love as true as mine.
And if along the way we find a day it starts to storm,
You've got the promise of my love to keep you warm.
In all the world you'll never find a love as true as mine,
A love as true as mine.
I love you darling and can't wait to see you soon!!
B
This song, although I'm not a huge country fan, says EXACTLY what I've always said..and wanted to say..to Bill. So much so...on our wedding day...as the iron gates of the BEAUTIFUL Revolution Mill opened...and dad and I began our walk down the aisle....the musician, who sang this live, dedicated it from the bride to her groom, per my request. However, our family and many of our friends and those who see us walking hand in hand on the street....THEY know...it goes both ways.
So as I think of the (almost) 6 months we've conquered...I dedicate this song to the love of my life once again. "Cross My Heart" by George Strait
Our love is unconditional, we knew it from the start.
I see it in your eyes, you can feel it from my heart.
From here on after let's stay the way we are right now,
And share all the love and laughter
That a lifetime will allow.
I cross my heart and promise to
Give all I've got to give to make all your dreams come true.
In all the world you'll never find a love as true as mine.
You will always be the miracle that makes my life complete,
And as long as there's a breath in me, I'll make yours just as sweet.
As we look into the future, it's as far as we can see,
So let's make each tomorrow be the best that it can be.
I cross my heart and promise to
Give all I've got to give to make all your dreams come true.
In all the world you'll never find a love as true as mine.
And if along the way we find a day it starts to storm,
You've got the promise of my love to keep you warm.
In all the world you'll never find a love as true as mine,
A love as true as mine.
I love you darling and can't wait to see you soon!!
B
Monday, April 19, 2010
Dear Mom,
(I've been itching to post this after my WONDERFUL weekend with mom and dad in town. I love them both and owe them the world. They are exceptional parents and really FUN friends :))
Mom,
I know I said thank you for all you did a million times, but I wanted to write it out and try to express the magnitude.
One of the many fortunate things about our relationship, including dad, is that we are great friends. I was looking just as forward to seeing you as I have any of my other girlfriends. I couldn't wait for you to see where Bill and I have started our life together and how I've adjusted since he's been gone. More important..I wanted you to meet our friends - the people who are there for Bill and I both unconditionally and have continued that dedication since he's been gone. They are good people...just like you and dad. :) I knew you'd get along beautifully.
I greatly appreciate your help here in the house. After all of our conversation this weekend, I can say...decorating and pulling it together seemed overwhelming in the beginning. Therefore, things got placed and continued to "just fit." However, after time in the house with Bill, time in the house without Bill, and someone like yourself whom I respect and love immensely...I needed the prodding to change some of the things I've wanted to change. It's that saying that creeps up again...it does so in ALL WALKS OF LIFE...if you WANT different results - you must change the initial behavior.
Not only was yours and dad's visit comforting, enjoyable, and filled with love...it was also very helpful and motivating.
You guys are my friends (Bill's too :)) and I would have you down as much as possible any time you're available. :) Until next time....
I love you both,
Brandi
Mom,
I know I said thank you for all you did a million times, but I wanted to write it out and try to express the magnitude.
One of the many fortunate things about our relationship, including dad, is that we are great friends. I was looking just as forward to seeing you as I have any of my other girlfriends. I couldn't wait for you to see where Bill and I have started our life together and how I've adjusted since he's been gone. More important..I wanted you to meet our friends - the people who are there for Bill and I both unconditionally and have continued that dedication since he's been gone. They are good people...just like you and dad. :) I knew you'd get along beautifully.
I greatly appreciate your help here in the house. After all of our conversation this weekend, I can say...decorating and pulling it together seemed overwhelming in the beginning. Therefore, things got placed and continued to "just fit." However, after time in the house with Bill, time in the house without Bill, and someone like yourself whom I respect and love immensely...I needed the prodding to change some of the things I've wanted to change. It's that saying that creeps up again...it does so in ALL WALKS OF LIFE...if you WANT different results - you must change the initial behavior.
Not only was yours and dad's visit comforting, enjoyable, and filled with love...it was also very helpful and motivating.
You guys are my friends (Bill's too :)) and I would have you down as much as possible any time you're available. :) Until next time....
I love you both,
Brandi
Friday, April 9, 2010
The best week ever...
I thought about not writing this blog post, but "blog about it" keeps ringing in my head. Besides the fact, my BFF said "you never know who can benefit from your experience." So here it goes...in all vulnerability and candor...I'm excited and anxious to share this "out loud."
This past week was the best week ever, in 4 months, and it's all because of my new mindset. Again, my BFF asked me "what prompted this" and even through the first part of the conversation, I acted like...I didn't know and that is was just a feeling... I do know. I owe the 'shift' to a thought I had about myself and the way I'm sabotaging myself at home...when I'm alone. I am genuinely happy and focused and involved in several social circles, but when I'm home...alone...I have to deal with her, whom I've come to learn is my inner critic, we'll call her Harriet. :)
Truth is, thinking back to myself as a roommate, I have always eaten Ben and Jerry's in the corner of the kitchen with the lights off...when everyone else is in another room. Or now that I have my OWN house...when husband is away - Ben and Jerry and I will play. So I started to really wonder WHY?! Why when I've committed to bootcamp, getting up at 5:15am 3 days a week, am I still sabataging myself with 3 glasses of wine, or 3 light beers, or pizza, or Ben and Jerry's? I know what I want...what am I afraid of?
I searched for "emotional eating" and found the book that I believe...has prompted my life change. It's "Shrink Yourself by Roger Gould,M.D" It's been ONE WEEK so I have a ways to go, but starting is key....
The book resignates...whether it's eating,drinking,obsessive exercising, etc....the thought process is that we use these vices to escape the insecurity we feel, the solitude, the fear....bottom line - the powerlessness.
As I'm reading I'm thinking...what in the world do I feel so powerless about? I'm a confident, well-spoken, assertive, HAPPY woman! And that's when it dawns on me...I am completely powerless to the fact that Bill's passion, expertise, and drive have landed him a job that took him to Afghanistan. Although I'm supportive to the utmost degree...the fact that what he NEEDED to do for his career AND For US took him away...is out of my control.
So I've allowed myself to feel powerless in ALL walks of life the past few months. I've allowed myself to feel like I couldn't get away from the dogs, I couldn't work in an exercise routine, I couldn't find a new job, and I can't be too independent. My inner critic, Harriet, has said I'm not good enough - I've been in a dead end job for a year - I'm not confident enough - anything new scares me - I'm not assertive enough - people don't like 'ballsy' women. What I've come to learn through the book and my week is that none of this is true. The one thing I can't control is Bill's job is in Afghanistan (although again...it was a mutual decision he'd take it). But what I CAN control is myself, my decisions, the way i conduct myself, and the healthy, confident woman he comes back to.
This week has been priceless. I've not drank a drop, eaten VERY healthy, drank my 2 liters of water, exercised regularly, and just have a confident, less fear-ridden, approach to life. It's feels good...really good!
This past week was the best week ever, in 4 months, and it's all because of my new mindset. Again, my BFF asked me "what prompted this" and even through the first part of the conversation, I acted like...I didn't know and that is was just a feeling... I do know. I owe the 'shift' to a thought I had about myself and the way I'm sabotaging myself at home...when I'm alone. I am genuinely happy and focused and involved in several social circles, but when I'm home...alone...I have to deal with her, whom I've come to learn is my inner critic, we'll call her Harriet. :)
Truth is, thinking back to myself as a roommate, I have always eaten Ben and Jerry's in the corner of the kitchen with the lights off...when everyone else is in another room. Or now that I have my OWN house...when husband is away - Ben and Jerry and I will play. So I started to really wonder WHY?! Why when I've committed to bootcamp, getting up at 5:15am 3 days a week, am I still sabataging myself with 3 glasses of wine, or 3 light beers, or pizza, or Ben and Jerry's? I know what I want...what am I afraid of?
I searched for "emotional eating" and found the book that I believe...has prompted my life change. It's "Shrink Yourself by Roger Gould,M.D" It's been ONE WEEK so I have a ways to go, but starting is key....
The book resignates...whether it's eating,drinking,obsessive exercising, etc....the thought process is that we use these vices to escape the insecurity we feel, the solitude, the fear....bottom line - the powerlessness.
As I'm reading I'm thinking...what in the world do I feel so powerless about? I'm a confident, well-spoken, assertive, HAPPY woman! And that's when it dawns on me...I am completely powerless to the fact that Bill's passion, expertise, and drive have landed him a job that took him to Afghanistan. Although I'm supportive to the utmost degree...the fact that what he NEEDED to do for his career AND For US took him away...is out of my control.
So I've allowed myself to feel powerless in ALL walks of life the past few months. I've allowed myself to feel like I couldn't get away from the dogs, I couldn't work in an exercise routine, I couldn't find a new job, and I can't be too independent. My inner critic, Harriet, has said I'm not good enough - I've been in a dead end job for a year - I'm not confident enough - anything new scares me - I'm not assertive enough - people don't like 'ballsy' women. What I've come to learn through the book and my week is that none of this is true. The one thing I can't control is Bill's job is in Afghanistan (although again...it was a mutual decision he'd take it). But what I CAN control is myself, my decisions, the way i conduct myself, and the healthy, confident woman he comes back to.
This week has been priceless. I've not drank a drop, eaten VERY healthy, drank my 2 liters of water, exercised regularly, and just have a confident, less fear-ridden, approach to life. It's feels good...really good!
Sunday, March 14, 2010
The toss up...
Today was a bit of a toss up; I probably SHOULD'VE stayed home and thoroughly cleaned or walked the dogs or at least just stayed home so they could run around in the backyard. However, after 6 hours of sleep (thanks to daylight savings time AND two pups who have no idea of the concept) I decided...since a nap was not in my future (again, thanks to pups I affectionately call gremlins) I decided today was going to be MY day.
I set out at 10:30 (so the pups DID get a full 4 hours of running rampant and exercising the demons). I set out with an errand or two to run and didn't know what time stores opened and quite frankly...didn't care. The day was beautiful..the sun was shining and the sky was a piercing bright blue. I thought - I may sit in the parking lot of a store waiting for it to open listening to my new Lady Antebellum CD or perhaps I'll treat myself to a 'luxury' coffee?! So I went about my morning with this slight grin on my face..not rushing about...not feeling anxious...and most of all not feeling GUILTY. I wasn't about to allow myself to feel guilty today.
Eventually, I met friends for lunch at a perfect outdoor dining spot for quite the perfect outdoor dining kind of day. It turns out, the service was SUPER slow, but again...no worries from this chica. I had several choices today that WERE presenting a dilemma before today actually arrived. I was supposed to take Kenda to her last training class OR attend my 'pre-bootcamp' class. As it turns out, and I didn't quite plan it but wouldn't CHANGE it for anything, I missed both options and went with the impromptu lunch planned by friends. It felt fabulous and spontaneous. It felt good and not guilty. I should try the GOOD feeling over GUILT more often. :) Thank you friends.
I set out at 10:30 (so the pups DID get a full 4 hours of running rampant and exercising the demons). I set out with an errand or two to run and didn't know what time stores opened and quite frankly...didn't care. The day was beautiful..the sun was shining and the sky was a piercing bright blue. I thought - I may sit in the parking lot of a store waiting for it to open listening to my new Lady Antebellum CD or perhaps I'll treat myself to a 'luxury' coffee?! So I went about my morning with this slight grin on my face..not rushing about...not feeling anxious...and most of all not feeling GUILTY. I wasn't about to allow myself to feel guilty today.
Eventually, I met friends for lunch at a perfect outdoor dining spot for quite the perfect outdoor dining kind of day. It turns out, the service was SUPER slow, but again...no worries from this chica. I had several choices today that WERE presenting a dilemma before today actually arrived. I was supposed to take Kenda to her last training class OR attend my 'pre-bootcamp' class. As it turns out, and I didn't quite plan it but wouldn't CHANGE it for anything, I missed both options and went with the impromptu lunch planned by friends. It felt fabulous and spontaneous. It felt good and not guilty. I should try the GOOD feeling over GUILT more often. :) Thank you friends.
Monday, March 8, 2010
Thankful, grateful, and ALMOST full...
I always think of how grateful I am for my friends and family. However, the last few days - the thought has been more prominent. It's probably because the last two weeks have been noticeably harder than most and I haven't felt like my normal glass half-full self. It's my friends and family who CONSISTENTLY remind me, whether they know it or not, that my glass is most definitely half-full and most of the time..overflowing.
Whether it's the 45 minute to hour long conversations mom and I have most nights or the sounding board chats my new friend Jessica and I have. As always, my staple and most resilient friend and new mom, Bethany, is a lifesaver for the times we've bent each others ear. Cathy, your spunk and endless energy are always inspiring whether you realize it or not. Ang, I love our consistent email exchanges and I love to know you're so happy. Amber, it was awesome to catch up with you recently and so wonderful to connect. Ali, as I said to Amber, your glow and happiness are contagious. I love being in the same room. Monica, your support, your endless ear, your enthusiasm and your example of what true love looks like has been priceless. Amanda D., your unique jewels have ignited an energy in me to want to explore more of who ME really is. Amanda H., your bravery in facing new cities, states, jobs, and life experiences constantly reassures me. Barrie, you planning this trip to Key West and welcoming me with open arms (as you have from the beginning) makes me feel like a movie star, Lindsay Hardage, your daily friendship and compassion allows me to feel so comfortable. Liz W., your inability to say "no" means I ALWAYS have a lunch date, dinner date, and/or shopping pal; that's AWESOME! Tracy W., I called you my best friend that night of the WINE....and well, I can't believe how close we've become. I feel like I could call you for anything and that is what friendship is truly all about. After all, you did just agree to spread mulch in my yard after me just asking to borrow your SUV :)
The list of friends goes on and on, gals and guys. I was just listing those top of mind in perhaps...the last weekend. The point being...if I didn't have you..if each of you didn't offer me something different, unique, and special...none of the strength and confidence and overall HAPPINESS I feel would be the same.
I'm so thankful for each and every one you and I really like telling you. I also like smiling. It feels SOOO good.
Whether it's the 45 minute to hour long conversations mom and I have most nights or the sounding board chats my new friend Jessica and I have. As always, my staple and most resilient friend and new mom, Bethany, is a lifesaver for the times we've bent each others ear. Cathy, your spunk and endless energy are always inspiring whether you realize it or not. Ang, I love our consistent email exchanges and I love to know you're so happy. Amber, it was awesome to catch up with you recently and so wonderful to connect. Ali, as I said to Amber, your glow and happiness are contagious. I love being in the same room. Monica, your support, your endless ear, your enthusiasm and your example of what true love looks like has been priceless. Amanda D., your unique jewels have ignited an energy in me to want to explore more of who ME really is. Amanda H., your bravery in facing new cities, states, jobs, and life experiences constantly reassures me. Barrie, you planning this trip to Key West and welcoming me with open arms (as you have from the beginning) makes me feel like a movie star, Lindsay Hardage, your daily friendship and compassion allows me to feel so comfortable. Liz W., your inability to say "no" means I ALWAYS have a lunch date, dinner date, and/or shopping pal; that's AWESOME! Tracy W., I called you my best friend that night of the WINE....and well, I can't believe how close we've become. I feel like I could call you for anything and that is what friendship is truly all about. After all, you did just agree to spread mulch in my yard after me just asking to borrow your SUV :)
The list of friends goes on and on, gals and guys. I was just listing those top of mind in perhaps...the last weekend. The point being...if I didn't have you..if each of you didn't offer me something different, unique, and special...none of the strength and confidence and overall HAPPINESS I feel would be the same.
I'm so thankful for each and every one you and I really like telling you. I also like smiling. It feels SOOO good.
Friday, February 26, 2010
When a title is tough...
I typed two or three titles for this post and decided none were appropriate. Admittedly, perhaps I'm weighing the importance of this blog post against the fact that Bill experienced three blasts VERY close to his 'home' recently. They blew up the bank he goes to, the supermarket he was planning to go to at noon today, and many other areas of interests for foreigners. Therefore, does the stress I've felt this last week with the puppitos REALLY matter? Of course it matters..based on my frame of reference, but again...what would I title this post?
This past week has been a challenging week for me, Kenda and Maxxis. They are stressing me out and I'm worrying to the Nth degree. I don't exercise them enough. I've gotten them the wrong food because Kenda isn't eating the same. They are bored with their toys. They are bored with me. I'm not the Alpha. They want me to be the Alpha. They're fearful of other dogs. I've socialized them with other dogs from the beginning. I feel I am putting SO much pressure on myself. I want our dogs to be GOOD dogs and I don't want Bill to come back to morons.
So how does one person accomplish what REALLY needs to be guided by TWO people?! I felt certain I'd be able. I felt confident and motivated to attack the task. However, this week...I'm exhausted. We went to a baseball field where dogs play and very RARELY do we have more than 4 dogs. As luck would have it, two dogs entered that M and K didn't know and they SPRINTED to the "new" dog and barked aggressively, confused, nervously, but MOST impactful.....embarrassingly. I never wanted to have the 'bad' dogs in the park and although they have many redeeming qualities, when they lunge at another dog with this awfully panicked bark...and NO bite...I want to crawl in a hole and pretend they aren't mine. But where does that TRULY get me? Where does that get us? Nowhere.
My neck muscles are tense and my mind is heavy with worry. Do I choose to worry about them instead of the impending future of my unstable job or do I choose to worry about them because I can't worry about suicide bombers near Bill or do I choose to worry about the dogs so that I have an excuse not to leave the house...to exercise...to socialize...etc. I'm not depressed - that is FOR SURE - but why does worry consume me so at times?
So with this one, I go to bed and wake up tomorrow...a new day. A new day refreshed...in love with my puppies and the year we have all to ourselves. For now, I bury my head in the pillow.
This past week has been a challenging week for me, Kenda and Maxxis. They are stressing me out and I'm worrying to the Nth degree. I don't exercise them enough. I've gotten them the wrong food because Kenda isn't eating the same. They are bored with their toys. They are bored with me. I'm not the Alpha. They want me to be the Alpha. They're fearful of other dogs. I've socialized them with other dogs from the beginning. I feel I am putting SO much pressure on myself. I want our dogs to be GOOD dogs and I don't want Bill to come back to morons.
So how does one person accomplish what REALLY needs to be guided by TWO people?! I felt certain I'd be able. I felt confident and motivated to attack the task. However, this week...I'm exhausted. We went to a baseball field where dogs play and very RARELY do we have more than 4 dogs. As luck would have it, two dogs entered that M and K didn't know and they SPRINTED to the "new" dog and barked aggressively, confused, nervously, but MOST impactful.....embarrassingly. I never wanted to have the 'bad' dogs in the park and although they have many redeeming qualities, when they lunge at another dog with this awfully panicked bark...and NO bite...I want to crawl in a hole and pretend they aren't mine. But where does that TRULY get me? Where does that get us? Nowhere.
My neck muscles are tense and my mind is heavy with worry. Do I choose to worry about them instead of the impending future of my unstable job or do I choose to worry about them because I can't worry about suicide bombers near Bill or do I choose to worry about the dogs so that I have an excuse not to leave the house...to exercise...to socialize...etc. I'm not depressed - that is FOR SURE - but why does worry consume me so at times?
So with this one, I go to bed and wake up tomorrow...a new day. A new day refreshed...in love with my puppies and the year we have all to ourselves. For now, I bury my head in the pillow.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Valentine's Day 2010
I realize my respective may be a little "disregarded" because I HAVE found the man of my dreams whom I love unconditionally and will DATE until the end of time! However, it dawned on me today..in the current circumstances of him being so far away and so many others feeling so much pressure to have "someone" that....we ALL have someone. We all have many people in our lives whom we love unconditionally, who we would give the shirt off our back for, and whom we call when we're happy, sad, scared, and overjoyed. THOSE are the Valentine's we should ALL celebrate today because those are the people who were here way before February 14th of any year...and last much longer than the 24 hours of February 14th...in ANY given year.
However, I must admit (for the sake this is my online journal) that I'd be remiss if I didn't recognize how overwhelmingly special my hubby-Valentine made me feel from a gazillion miles away. He SHOWERED me with flowers and a lovely gift..a necklace with 3 diamonds that I plan to wear DAILY! Not sure if he planned it this way or if it's just a "thing" of his (I truly believe the latter), but my engagement ring is 3 stones and this necklace at such a poignant moment in our lives is 3 stones. I too like the idea of 'past, present, and future' or "me, Bill, and us" or "good times, bad times, and those in between"....whatever the symbolism of the three...I love the gift and love HIM for so much more.
May we all revel in those we love tonight - girlfriends, boyfriends, married, not married, family, children, pets, etc. Here's to Happy HEART day!
However, I must admit (for the sake this is my online journal) that I'd be remiss if I didn't recognize how overwhelmingly special my hubby-Valentine made me feel from a gazillion miles away. He SHOWERED me with flowers and a lovely gift..a necklace with 3 diamonds that I plan to wear DAILY! Not sure if he planned it this way or if it's just a "thing" of his (I truly believe the latter), but my engagement ring is 3 stones and this necklace at such a poignant moment in our lives is 3 stones. I too like the idea of 'past, present, and future' or "me, Bill, and us" or "good times, bad times, and those in between"....whatever the symbolism of the three...I love the gift and love HIM for so much more.
May we all revel in those we love tonight - girlfriends, boyfriends, married, not married, family, children, pets, etc. Here's to Happy HEART day!
Sunday, February 7, 2010
It was nice to hear...
It was good to hear two very nice compliments this weekend about two components of my life that are VERY important to me: my happiness and my relationship. And hearing these comments unsolicited is why it meant so much and I wanted to record it.
I was with girlfriends Friday night, one who knows me and Bill really well, and one who knows me only recently and hasn't met my better half :) My new friend spoke of how she loved seeing couples "in love" and who truly enjoyed each other; she is speculating whether this future will be a reality for her own situation. And my good friend says to her, "Well then you just WAIT until you see Bill and Brandi together." I just smiled and said thank you. Again, not a compliment I needed or asked for, but the thought HAS crossed my mind at times if the guests at our wedding, the friends we've met in Tampa, my friends from high school who have only seen us together briefly....do they all KNOW how insanely in love I am with him and even more....how happy? Just curious :)
The next day, I was with two great college friends. I said to one, our friend who drove up to see us consistently BEAMS with happiness - her smile, her joy, her laugh is infectious! She looks at me and says, I've talked about this with another friend of ours...YOU are the same way! YOU have been happier than we've ever seen you before since you met Bill. My heart felt full and I just smiled and said thank you.
So this weekend my question that I've asked to myself a time or two...has been answered. The world DOES know how happy and I am...how much I enjoy my life...and how it's better with the man of my dreams by my side.
I was with girlfriends Friday night, one who knows me and Bill really well, and one who knows me only recently and hasn't met my better half :) My new friend spoke of how she loved seeing couples "in love" and who truly enjoyed each other; she is speculating whether this future will be a reality for her own situation. And my good friend says to her, "Well then you just WAIT until you see Bill and Brandi together." I just smiled and said thank you. Again, not a compliment I needed or asked for, but the thought HAS crossed my mind at times if the guests at our wedding, the friends we've met in Tampa, my friends from high school who have only seen us together briefly....do they all KNOW how insanely in love I am with him and even more....how happy? Just curious :)
The next day, I was with two great college friends. I said to one, our friend who drove up to see us consistently BEAMS with happiness - her smile, her joy, her laugh is infectious! She looks at me and says, I've talked about this with another friend of ours...YOU are the same way! YOU have been happier than we've ever seen you before since you met Bill. My heart felt full and I just smiled and said thank you.
So this weekend my question that I've asked to myself a time or two...has been answered. The world DOES know how happy and I am...how much I enjoy my life...and how it's better with the man of my dreams by my side.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
The Hangover...
And oh boy, do I WISH I was referring to the movie?! We've all been here...you know the feeling. I had a great girl friend in town this weekend, puppies were overnighting at daycare, and Gasparilla festivities were in full force..despite the rain. So basically, we started at 10am with bloody marys at breakfast and were still enjoying beverages when the sun went down. I share this day with all of you, very candidly, to beg the question I've asked myself SO many times...and especially lately....why do we insist that it's a good idea at the time when we know we're going to pay for it for at least the next two days (that's right, recovery time has increased significantly)!
But seriously...not to get all philosophical here, but whether it be a parade and a gathering of friends or its a low key night at dinner with red wine. Why do we drink alcohol? Here are my thoughts...my candid, completely uncensored, very vulnerable thoughts.
Alcohol is an escape. When you're uptight..it makes you forget how uptight you are. When you're stressed, it relaxes your neck muscles. When you're in a crowd of people and enjoy EVERYONE you're with, but still miss the one who is not there. Or when conversation is a challenge...the glass of wine, makes it easier. Please don't misunderstand - these are not all CONSCIOUS reasons I indulge in an adult beverage; it's all the reasons I speculate that I do...because why else would you? Consciously, it just doesn't make sense.
On top of it, the next day is ruined. It's ruined physically and in some cases emotionally. The ironic thing of having a glass of wine at all - if in fact it is to forget for a moment the responsibilities you have or the weight on your brain - the next day, it's all still there AND magnified times ten. And in my case, I miss him more the day after...I miss him SO much more.
Bill isn't drinking alcohol for the entire year he's there...it's not available...it's not his choice, but think of how 'clean' he'll be when he returns. I think of it. I think of it a lot.
But seriously...not to get all philosophical here, but whether it be a parade and a gathering of friends or its a low key night at dinner with red wine. Why do we drink alcohol? Here are my thoughts...my candid, completely uncensored, very vulnerable thoughts.
Alcohol is an escape. When you're uptight..it makes you forget how uptight you are. When you're stressed, it relaxes your neck muscles. When you're in a crowd of people and enjoy EVERYONE you're with, but still miss the one who is not there. Or when conversation is a challenge...the glass of wine, makes it easier. Please don't misunderstand - these are not all CONSCIOUS reasons I indulge in an adult beverage; it's all the reasons I speculate that I do...because why else would you? Consciously, it just doesn't make sense.
On top of it, the next day is ruined. It's ruined physically and in some cases emotionally. The ironic thing of having a glass of wine at all - if in fact it is to forget for a moment the responsibilities you have or the weight on your brain - the next day, it's all still there AND magnified times ten. And in my case, I miss him more the day after...I miss him SO much more.
Bill isn't drinking alcohol for the entire year he's there...it's not available...it's not his choice, but think of how 'clean' he'll be when he returns. I think of it. I think of it a lot.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Investment....
Investing has been on my mind a whole lot lately. Not in the bank, not in property, not in stocks, but in myself...and mine and Bill's future. I have the best man in the world for me who gives me the comfort to explore additional investment. The best way to articulate this is "I have an overwhelming desire to do something that matters and I realize desire is one thing and changed behavior will get me there." I'm making this my mantra because it's so relative to how I feel in many different areas of my life.
Is it the tragedy in Haiti that has me thinking this way? Is it Bill being away from me for a year? Is it the envy I feel of HIS impactful experiences and work 'that matters'? Perhaps it's my friend who is the hospital after an accident and the helplessness I feel to take her pain and lengthy recovery away. Or is it the acquaintances I have or people I've come across recently who've lost a battle with cancer?
I just don't want to waste this year..this opportunity to do entirely what my heart desires. And don't get me wrong - Bill has always and does always provide me the security and endless opportunity to do whatever my heart desires. The only problem being that the only thing my heart desired to do during our first year of marriage and first year of being in the same city was to be with him...in the same room, same space, same everything. It is in this year - 2010 - that I must grab hold of the opportunity to figure out what "matters" to me in addition to the intense love and unconditional commitment I have to the love of my life.
The tough part is that no one can tell me what this looks like. However, I feel like I'm in the best place right now and we're only in the beginning of our journey. And it's only with the sincere and enjoyable friends that I have here in Tampa AND my BFF relationship with my parents..and friends from 'home' that I feel strong enough to face this year in this way.
Someone once told me, accountability is what you do when no one is watching, and I've never realized this to be so true until now.
I'm onto something here...I know it...I feel it. So stay tuned :)
Is it the tragedy in Haiti that has me thinking this way? Is it Bill being away from me for a year? Is it the envy I feel of HIS impactful experiences and work 'that matters'? Perhaps it's my friend who is the hospital after an accident and the helplessness I feel to take her pain and lengthy recovery away. Or is it the acquaintances I have or people I've come across recently who've lost a battle with cancer?
I just don't want to waste this year..this opportunity to do entirely what my heart desires. And don't get me wrong - Bill has always and does always provide me the security and endless opportunity to do whatever my heart desires. The only problem being that the only thing my heart desired to do during our first year of marriage and first year of being in the same city was to be with him...in the same room, same space, same everything. It is in this year - 2010 - that I must grab hold of the opportunity to figure out what "matters" to me in addition to the intense love and unconditional commitment I have to the love of my life.
The tough part is that no one can tell me what this looks like. However, I feel like I'm in the best place right now and we're only in the beginning of our journey. And it's only with the sincere and enjoyable friends that I have here in Tampa AND my BFF relationship with my parents..and friends from 'home' that I feel strong enough to face this year in this way.
Someone once told me, accountability is what you do when no one is watching, and I've never realized this to be so true until now.
I'm onto something here...I know it...I feel it. So stay tuned :)
Friday, January 15, 2010
Lump in OUR throat....
I know, I know...many of you are thinking "almost crying" "tearing up" "choked up", etc. But no....it's not about sadness today..or yesterday. Yesterday - everyone had a different kind of LUMP in their throat (and Mom -I know you said I should keep this to myself (haha) but you know how GOOD I am at that :))
Yesterday I attended an informational session that put me in the audience with about 30-40 other non-profits (and since I'm a business development person for a company whose target audience is non-profits - I was in a great space). What I didn't expect was the AWESOME opportunity to stand up at the end and share my 'elevator speech' to this group. I didn't expect it so much that I had been subtly enjoying a piece of gum while sitting in the audience. Yup..that's right - the first lump in the throat was my immediate reaction to swallow the gum! You ever notice how easy it is to keep it under your tongue....UNTIL you're put on the spot and are speaking to a group of 30-40 prospective business folks? All I could think about afterward was "my insides sticking together," my inability to "digest it for at least another 7 years," and most immediate....is it EVER going to move down to my stomach. Of course, since I haven't done that in decades - I was also a little worried mom would be mad :)
Next lump - and this one...not good to read about at lunch. I'll keep it short. Our boy Maxxis is usually WONDERFUL going in the yard because he KNOWS a treat follows immediately after. However, yesterday - we had the pool guy to contend with. I appreciate his friendliness and the time he took to let them smell him, but really - I'm on my lunch break, need to get in and out with the dogs, DON"T distract my A.D.D. pups anymore than they already are. And do you REALLY have to park conveniently in front of the house? Can't you park down the street and carry your stuff to my yard? Cause your truck garners their interest and sniffers like NO OTHER! Geezz :) I didn't have the heart to make these demands of the nice guy this time, but maybe next. So Maxxis was intrigued and didn't do everything...but I trusted him he was "all good." Mistake one. Take them inside and go back outside to clean the yard up. I come back in and little precious, gremlin, angel-boy has FINISHED his business on an item in OUR bedroom that let's just say is personal to ME! Oh yeah, and the "lump" - you guessed it - tried to cover his tracks. Uuughh....
And finally, when I came home after work - I had a feeling what I might find. Puppy mama forgot to put a toy for Miss Kenda to chew on, but left her bed. That's right - a fuzzy, wool, bed. She had to have REALLY felt like she had a hairball in her throat after shredding that thing!
So honey, don't be mad at any of this - I reprimanded them all (including myself for having gum during a business meeting ANYWAY)- and I'm sure it was just yesterday. Today we'll all be angels!
Yesterday I attended an informational session that put me in the audience with about 30-40 other non-profits (and since I'm a business development person for a company whose target audience is non-profits - I was in a great space). What I didn't expect was the AWESOME opportunity to stand up at the end and share my 'elevator speech' to this group. I didn't expect it so much that I had been subtly enjoying a piece of gum while sitting in the audience. Yup..that's right - the first lump in the throat was my immediate reaction to swallow the gum! You ever notice how easy it is to keep it under your tongue....UNTIL you're put on the spot and are speaking to a group of 30-40 prospective business folks? All I could think about afterward was "my insides sticking together," my inability to "digest it for at least another 7 years," and most immediate....is it EVER going to move down to my stomach. Of course, since I haven't done that in decades - I was also a little worried mom would be mad :)
Next lump - and this one...not good to read about at lunch. I'll keep it short. Our boy Maxxis is usually WONDERFUL going in the yard because he KNOWS a treat follows immediately after. However, yesterday - we had the pool guy to contend with. I appreciate his friendliness and the time he took to let them smell him, but really - I'm on my lunch break, need to get in and out with the dogs, DON"T distract my A.D.D. pups anymore than they already are. And do you REALLY have to park conveniently in front of the house? Can't you park down the street and carry your stuff to my yard? Cause your truck garners their interest and sniffers like NO OTHER! Geezz :) I didn't have the heart to make these demands of the nice guy this time, but maybe next. So Maxxis was intrigued and didn't do everything...but I trusted him he was "all good." Mistake one. Take them inside and go back outside to clean the yard up. I come back in and little precious, gremlin, angel-boy has FINISHED his business on an item in OUR bedroom that let's just say is personal to ME! Oh yeah, and the "lump" - you guessed it - tried to cover his tracks. Uuughh....
And finally, when I came home after work - I had a feeling what I might find. Puppy mama forgot to put a toy for Miss Kenda to chew on, but left her bed. That's right - a fuzzy, wool, bed. She had to have REALLY felt like she had a hairball in her throat after shredding that thing!
So honey, don't be mad at any of this - I reprimanded them all (including myself for having gum during a business meeting ANYWAY)- and I'm sure it was just yesterday. Today we'll all be angels!
Monday, January 11, 2010
One month down...
One month ago today I cried harder than I ever thought possible and felt more sadness than I EVER want to feel again. I think back to the last look I got of him before he got on the train...and my heart skips a beat. I can feel his arms around me and anxiously await our next kiss.
So as you might imagine, there is a part of me that can't believe how fast one month has gone. And although that's an optimistic perspective - in all honesty - I still dread his lengthy stay..away. It feels like eternity.
However, through our telephone conversations, my emails to him, pictures I send, and video calls....we are really staying connected better than either of us knew we could. I always look forward to hearing his voice and I REALLY love to hear him laugh.
So as you might imagine, there is a part of me that can't believe how fast one month has gone. And although that's an optimistic perspective - in all honesty - I still dread his lengthy stay..away. It feels like eternity.
However, through our telephone conversations, my emails to him, pictures I send, and video calls....we are really staying connected better than either of us knew we could. I always look forward to hearing his voice and I REALLY love to hear him laugh.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
"The Man" in four-inch heels...
My neighbors, if looking, had to wonder what in the world I was doing this evening and WHERE was the man who drives the Dodge Charger in the driveway to help her? First of all, I KNOW the dogs have to get to the yard fast as soon as I come in because my lunch break with them was short today. So as you might have assumed from the title of the post, I'm in my four-inch black patten leather heels today - feelin' quite sassy - as I always do in my favorite shoes! So the dogs go tearing out and my balance gets off a bit and they JUST ABOUT....take me down...in the yard, but no fear - years of dance, balance and core strength (haha) kept me upright.
And that's not really even the good part.
As I notice shreds of SOMETHING in our yard, I think - the nerve of a passerby?! And then I realize it's probably cedar shavings or something off a truck that drove by. Either way, I don't need ANYTHING in the yard to preoccupy the pups anymore than they already are OR to digest anything more than they already do. So I go for the rake..in my suit and all. Oh yeah, but not before taking off the heels, rolling up my suit pants and slipping on my 'yard flip flops'. And I proceed to rake the yard; well, only the corner with the shavings. I'll get to the rest this weekend (and don't even say it, Bill - I know what you're thinking :)). After a little elbow grease, I feel good about taking care of my babies and I return the rake to the garage (electric opener)and attempt to close the door. I say attempt because it didn't close. Hmmm...my husband is an AVID/competitive mountain biker - this garage HAS to close! (That's all I'll say about that)
What I don't believe I've told anyone is that the day I returned to Tampa from the holiday - I was greeted with a dead car battery (b/c I drove Bill's so mine sat) and a garage door that wouldn't shut (much like today). Luckily, my landlord came over lickety split and fixed both issues. Here's where I truly think "the man" and I mean, "SHE IS THE MAN", on my part comes in. So I'm still in the suit and I grab that ladder, pop up there and do just what I saw my landlord do. Now granted, when he got off the ladder he didn't cross his fingers, shut one eye, and quietly plead "please, please, please"....but hey - semantics. So I did just what I thought would fix it and VIOLA...fixed garage door...for now :)
So anyway..as you all know...nothing of what I've done is rocket science. But what many of you may not know is that as a wife who has a wonderful, patient, capable and talented husband to ASK for help (mainly, "just because she could") it's very empowering to tackle and accomplish each and every 'little' task without getting my panties in a wad! :) Bill and I are both going to be better people (and a couple) for what we're experiencing.
And now, I'm off to sushi with a great friend. P.S. I'll definitely wear the heels instead of the yard flops.
And that's not really even the good part.
As I notice shreds of SOMETHING in our yard, I think - the nerve of a passerby?! And then I realize it's probably cedar shavings or something off a truck that drove by. Either way, I don't need ANYTHING in the yard to preoccupy the pups anymore than they already are OR to digest anything more than they already do. So I go for the rake..in my suit and all. Oh yeah, but not before taking off the heels, rolling up my suit pants and slipping on my 'yard flip flops'. And I proceed to rake the yard; well, only the corner with the shavings. I'll get to the rest this weekend (and don't even say it, Bill - I know what you're thinking :)). After a little elbow grease, I feel good about taking care of my babies and I return the rake to the garage (electric opener)and attempt to close the door. I say attempt because it didn't close. Hmmm...my husband is an AVID/competitive mountain biker - this garage HAS to close! (That's all I'll say about that)
What I don't believe I've told anyone is that the day I returned to Tampa from the holiday - I was greeted with a dead car battery (b/c I drove Bill's so mine sat) and a garage door that wouldn't shut (much like today). Luckily, my landlord came over lickety split and fixed both issues. Here's where I truly think "the man" and I mean, "SHE IS THE MAN", on my part comes in. So I'm still in the suit and I grab that ladder, pop up there and do just what I saw my landlord do. Now granted, when he got off the ladder he didn't cross his fingers, shut one eye, and quietly plead "please, please, please"....but hey - semantics. So I did just what I thought would fix it and VIOLA...fixed garage door...for now :)
So anyway..as you all know...nothing of what I've done is rocket science. But what many of you may not know is that as a wife who has a wonderful, patient, capable and talented husband to ASK for help (mainly, "just because she could") it's very empowering to tackle and accomplish each and every 'little' task without getting my panties in a wad! :) Bill and I are both going to be better people (and a couple) for what we're experiencing.
And now, I'm off to sushi with a great friend. P.S. I'll definitely wear the heels instead of the yard flops.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
The last stop..
Granted, on the ride up to NC..the last two hours were no fun. Kenda spit up twice (and trying to clean that from the front seat on the highway is REALLY not a good idea..although I tried it). And Maxxis took a bite out of the seat cover we have for the back seat...all at the end of our ride. Needless to say, Mama Brandi was TIRED and ready to turn these gremlins over to MY mom, Mimi - as my 4-year-old nephew calls her, and couldn't wait for an adult beverage after a 12 hour drive with thse two puppies.
So I really didn't know what to expect on the ride back today. Oh yeah, forgot to mention, they hardly slept on the way up. But it turns out...on the way back, Maxxis slept the ENTIRE way and I had to WAKE him for potty breaks. Kenda on the other hand was my "keeper." She insisted on having her head on the center console and preferably a paw on my arm - no kidding (sorry about the console thing, babe, I was stern, but not always stern enough). It was like the need some wives have to reach her foot over in bed...just to touch her honey's. Kenda just wanted to have an arm on me the entire ride and yet she was sooo tired and refused to sleep. It was weird...quite frankly. And when Maxxis attempted to enter HER space (near me) she showed the ugliest snarl I've ever seen from her. So again, not sure what was going on there..but she sure was protecting me from whatever I "needed" to be protected from.
So back to the "last stop"....thanks to my hubby's outstandingly detailed directions, we hit our last pit stop. I put gas in Ole Betty and went inside. I walk out to see my flashers on and my lights blinking. I think - oh no - I've set off the alarm. However, I hear nothing. And then...I see Kenda's head and then Maxxis' head...pop up, like - mom? Where you been? We're having a ball in here! Sure enough...K and/or M had hit the emergency flashers. Those attention whores - I SWEAR!! :)
After we turn off the flashers and get in the car, we go around the corner in search of a decent sized patch of grass. As usual, Kenda takes her TIME! (She cost us a full HOUR during lunch so my patience has run thin by now). Maxxis is my angel...and does exactly what he's supposed to do. So I'm walking back and forth with Kenda in a clean yard except for what Maxxis left. Back and forth, back and forth...FINALLY she does her thing. I think - great - we're home free and we'll be there in no time! I get them treats, pack them in the car, and head on my way.
Five minutes down the road I smell what resembles a good old fashioned dog fart. I think - that's odd - they both did all their business and that shouldn't be. My next thought was - oh no - my shoe. Sure enough...in the darkness of the floorboard..I see 'GUNK' on the SIDE of my tennis shoe and just then...the smell becomes a bit more pungent. It is in fact..the gazillioneth time I've stepped in poop...since Bill left. And the sad part? The ONLY pile of poop I had to avoid (and did so successfully for the first twenty minutes of trying to get Kenda to do her business) is Maxxis' BUSINESS. Seriously? It truly is not a complete day if I don't end it with poop on my shoe. So call me crazy, but I was SO ready to get home....and the smell wasn't really THAT bad...I rode home with poop on my shoe for the last 2 hours.
I REALLY wanted to make it home as quick as possible....from our last stop. Great trip, great travels, GRREAT memories!!
So I really didn't know what to expect on the ride back today. Oh yeah, forgot to mention, they hardly slept on the way up. But it turns out...on the way back, Maxxis slept the ENTIRE way and I had to WAKE him for potty breaks. Kenda on the other hand was my "keeper." She insisted on having her head on the center console and preferably a paw on my arm - no kidding (sorry about the console thing, babe, I was stern, but not always stern enough). It was like the need some wives have to reach her foot over in bed...just to touch her honey's. Kenda just wanted to have an arm on me the entire ride and yet she was sooo tired and refused to sleep. It was weird...quite frankly. And when Maxxis attempted to enter HER space (near me) she showed the ugliest snarl I've ever seen from her. So again, not sure what was going on there..but she sure was protecting me from whatever I "needed" to be protected from.
So back to the "last stop"....thanks to my hubby's outstandingly detailed directions, we hit our last pit stop. I put gas in Ole Betty and went inside. I walk out to see my flashers on and my lights blinking. I think - oh no - I've set off the alarm. However, I hear nothing. And then...I see Kenda's head and then Maxxis' head...pop up, like - mom? Where you been? We're having a ball in here! Sure enough...K and/or M had hit the emergency flashers. Those attention whores - I SWEAR!! :)
After we turn off the flashers and get in the car, we go around the corner in search of a decent sized patch of grass. As usual, Kenda takes her TIME! (She cost us a full HOUR during lunch so my patience has run thin by now). Maxxis is my angel...and does exactly what he's supposed to do. So I'm walking back and forth with Kenda in a clean yard except for what Maxxis left. Back and forth, back and forth...FINALLY she does her thing. I think - great - we're home free and we'll be there in no time! I get them treats, pack them in the car, and head on my way.
Five minutes down the road I smell what resembles a good old fashioned dog fart. I think - that's odd - they both did all their business and that shouldn't be. My next thought was - oh no - my shoe. Sure enough...in the darkness of the floorboard..I see 'GUNK' on the SIDE of my tennis shoe and just then...the smell becomes a bit more pungent. It is in fact..the gazillioneth time I've stepped in poop...since Bill left. And the sad part? The ONLY pile of poop I had to avoid (and did so successfully for the first twenty minutes of trying to get Kenda to do her business) is Maxxis' BUSINESS. Seriously? It truly is not a complete day if I don't end it with poop on my shoe. So call me crazy, but I was SO ready to get home....and the smell wasn't really THAT bad...I rode home with poop on my shoe for the last 2 hours.
I REALLY wanted to make it home as quick as possible....from our last stop. Great trip, great travels, GRREAT memories!!
Lost without him....
I would be lost without him...literally. I share the email I received from him before leaving to drive to NC with the puppies by myself...for the first time...because of the level of patience, detail, and humor he exudes. And mind you, we've driven the drive together numerous times (which makes this email even MORE extraordinary). And he IS....EXTRA-ordinary and I love him all the more!!
Email verbatim:
Ok baby, here ya go. Don't forget, if you want Satellite Radio in the car, you will need to bring the antenna (black hockey puck) from underneath the trunk to the top side, plug in the sat radio, plug in the little cord from Aux input into the bottom of the sat radio holder (the hole will be on the far right underneath) and route the car stereo to aux input (the big button in the middle on the left)
I-275 north from the house
Merge onto I-75
note: Bust it hard little lady, Betty needs some wind in her skirt!!!
note: You will be heading to Gainesville, if the car is full of gas when you leave, you should get to St. Mary's, GA(cheaper gas) before filling up, but don't prove a point, at 1/4 tank, fill up!
Exit 382 (Gainesville, Hwy 331)
note: exit right off I-75, stay left.
Turn Left onto Hwy 331
note: There will be a convenience store immediately on your right, this is generally our first pee break and such. (This is the preferred stop for the Dawgs to leave a dump)
note: Stay on 331/24/121, it will weave around on the edge of Gainesville. There will be a major intersection and look for Hwy 24 North. You will stay straight to merge onto that)
Stay Straight and Merge onto Hwy 24 (Waldo Road) toward Gainesville Regional Airport)
note: approx. 20ish miles to Waldo, watch your speed on these roads until you are back on the Interstate, you are essentially a UGA fan in Florida Gator country.
Merge Slight Right in Waldo onto Hwy 301 North
note: in Waldo, the road will take a left curve and then a stop sign, this is the merger onto 301 North.
Stay Hwy 301 North to and through Starke
Stay Hwy 301 North to and through Lawty (really bad speed traps here)
Stay Hwy 301 North to and through Maxville
note: you will go under I-10 (Bridgett - the GPS - will be begging for you to get on the highway, tell her to shut up and move on)
Stay Hwy 301 North to and through Baldwin
note: Hwy 301 will T-bone into SR 200.
Take Right on SR 200/Hwy 301, get in left hand lane, then go about 1/4 mile and turn left back onto Hwy 301/SR 200 North
note: there will be a convenience store on your right after you make the left turn.
note: this is a 2 lane road for a while before it opens up, lots of woods on the either side.
Stay on Hwy 301/SR 200 North to and through Bryceville
note: this is where Bridgette usually get her bearings back
Stay on Hwy 301/SR 200 to Callahan, stay straight on SR200/AIA.
note: In Callahan, Hwy 301 turns left and goes away, stay straight and continue on SR 200. I-95 is only about 10-15 miles straight ahead.
Continue on SR 200 North/East to I-95
Take I-95 North, Bridgette takes over from here
note: Just before you get on the Interstate, there is a very nice convenience store on your left, we usually stop there for a break and maybe gas depending on your situation. From, here, you are good to go sweetie.
We generally stop at the following exits for these things off the remaining roads on your trip
I-95 St.Mary's GA exit 3: Gas/Pee
I-95 Savannah GA exit 94: Gas/Food/Pee (go right then immediate left for Gas and McDonald's
note: From here, stop at will, you are going to take I-26 West in South Carolina about 100 miles north of your Savannah stop.
Drive safe Baby stop every couple of hours, I love you.
The key to doing this in reverse is the Exit in Florida to do the cross over. to I-75.
That exit is Hwy AIA Exit 373. You would go right off that exit
On the way home, if you do the entire thing in one drive, it will be dark when you reach Florida, so I would just let Bridgette take on through Jacksonville to Orlando, then to Tampa, the way she wants to. It's safer and better emergency contingencies if the car breaks down.
If you overnight at Mom's then just leave out at the ass crack of dawn and you'll be in daylight the entire way, let me know and I will do these directions in reverse for you.
Email verbatim:
Ok baby, here ya go. Don't forget, if you want Satellite Radio in the car, you will need to bring the antenna (black hockey puck) from underneath the trunk to the top side, plug in the sat radio, plug in the little cord from Aux input into the bottom of the sat radio holder (the hole will be on the far right underneath) and route the car stereo to aux input (the big button in the middle on the left)
I-275 north from the house
Merge onto I-75
note: Bust it hard little lady, Betty needs some wind in her skirt!!!
note: You will be heading to Gainesville, if the car is full of gas when you leave, you should get to St. Mary's, GA(cheaper gas) before filling up, but don't prove a point, at 1/4 tank, fill up!
Exit 382 (Gainesville, Hwy 331)
note: exit right off I-75, stay left.
Turn Left onto Hwy 331
note: There will be a convenience store immediately on your right, this is generally our first pee break and such. (This is the preferred stop for the Dawgs to leave a dump)
note: Stay on 331/24/121, it will weave around on the edge of Gainesville. There will be a major intersection and look for Hwy 24 North. You will stay straight to merge onto that)
Stay Straight and Merge onto Hwy 24 (Waldo Road) toward Gainesville Regional Airport)
note: approx. 20ish miles to Waldo, watch your speed on these roads until you are back on the Interstate, you are essentially a UGA fan in Florida Gator country.
Merge Slight Right in Waldo onto Hwy 301 North
note: in Waldo, the road will take a left curve and then a stop sign, this is the merger onto 301 North.
Stay Hwy 301 North to and through Starke
Stay Hwy 301 North to and through Lawty (really bad speed traps here)
Stay Hwy 301 North to and through Maxville
note: you will go under I-10 (Bridgett - the GPS - will be begging for you to get on the highway, tell her to shut up and move on)
Stay Hwy 301 North to and through Baldwin
note: Hwy 301 will T-bone into SR 200.
Take Right on SR 200/Hwy 301, get in left hand lane, then go about 1/4 mile and turn left back onto Hwy 301/SR 200 North
note: there will be a convenience store on your right after you make the left turn.
note: this is a 2 lane road for a while before it opens up, lots of woods on the either side.
Stay on Hwy 301/SR 200 North to and through Bryceville
note: this is where Bridgette usually get her bearings back
Stay on Hwy 301/SR 200 to Callahan, stay straight on SR200/AIA.
note: In Callahan, Hwy 301 turns left and goes away, stay straight and continue on SR 200. I-95 is only about 10-15 miles straight ahead.
Continue on SR 200 North/East to I-95
Take I-95 North, Bridgette takes over from here
note: Just before you get on the Interstate, there is a very nice convenience store on your left, we usually stop there for a break and maybe gas depending on your situation. From, here, you are good to go sweetie.
We generally stop at the following exits for these things off the remaining roads on your trip
I-95 St.Mary's GA exit 3: Gas/Pee
I-95 Savannah GA exit 94: Gas/Food/Pee (go right then immediate left for Gas and McDonald's
note: From here, stop at will, you are going to take I-26 West in South Carolina about 100 miles north of your Savannah stop.
Drive safe Baby stop every couple of hours, I love you.
The key to doing this in reverse is the Exit in Florida to do the cross over. to I-75.
That exit is Hwy AIA Exit 373. You would go right off that exit
On the way home, if you do the entire thing in one drive, it will be dark when you reach Florida, so I would just let Bridgette take on through Jacksonville to Orlando, then to Tampa, the way she wants to. It's safer and better emergency contingencies if the car breaks down.
If you overnight at Mom's then just leave out at the ass crack of dawn and you'll be in daylight the entire way, let me know and I will do these directions in reverse for you.
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