When a title is tough...

I typed two or three titles for this post and decided none were appropriate. Admittedly, perhaps I'm weighing the importance of this blog post against the fact that Bill experienced three blasts VERY close to his 'home' recently. They blew up the bank he goes to, the supermarket he was planning to go to at noon today, and many other areas of interests for foreigners. Therefore, does the stress I've felt this last week with the puppitos REALLY matter? Of course it matters..based on my frame of reference, but again...what would I title this post?

This past week has been a challenging week for me, Kenda and Maxxis. They are stressing me out and I'm worrying to the Nth degree. I don't exercise them enough. I've gotten them the wrong food because Kenda isn't eating the same. They are bored with their toys. They are bored with me. I'm not the Alpha. They want me to be the Alpha. They're fearful of other dogs. I've socialized them with other dogs from the beginning. I feel I am putting SO much pressure on myself. I want our dogs to be GOOD dogs and I don't want Bill to come back to morons.

So how does one person accomplish what REALLY needs to be guided by TWO people?! I felt certain I'd be able. I felt confident and motivated to attack the task. However, this week...I'm exhausted. We went to a baseball field where dogs play and very RARELY do we have more than 4 dogs. As luck would have it, two dogs entered that M and K didn't know and they SPRINTED to the "new" dog and barked aggressively, confused, nervously, but MOST impactful.....embarrassingly. I never wanted to have the 'bad' dogs in the park and although they have many redeeming qualities, when they lunge at another dog with this awfully panicked bark...and NO bite...I want to crawl in a hole and pretend they aren't mine. But where does that TRULY get me? Where does that get us? Nowhere.

My neck muscles are tense and my mind is heavy with worry. Do I choose to worry about them instead of the impending future of my unstable job or do I choose to worry about them because I can't worry about suicide bombers near Bill or do I choose to worry about the dogs so that I have an excuse not to leave the house...to exercise...to socialize...etc. I'm not depressed - that is FOR SURE - but why does worry consume me so at times?

So with this one, I go to bed and wake up tomorrow...a new day. A new day refreshed...in love with my puppies and the year we have all to ourselves. For now, I bury my head in the pillow.

Valentine's Day 2010

I realize my respective may be a little "disregarded" because I HAVE found the man of my dreams whom I love unconditionally and will DATE until the end of time! However, it dawned on me today..in the current circumstances of him being so far away and so many others feeling so much pressure to have "someone" that....we ALL have someone. We all have many people in our lives whom we love unconditionally, who we would give the shirt off our back for, and whom we call when we're happy, sad, scared, and overjoyed. THOSE are the Valentine's we should ALL celebrate today because those are the people who were here way before February 14th of any year...and last much longer than the 24 hours of February 14th...in ANY given year.

However, I must admit (for the sake this is my online journal) that I'd be remiss if I didn't recognize how overwhelmingly special my hubby-Valentine made me feel from a gazillion miles away. He SHOWERED me with flowers and a lovely gift..a necklace with 3 diamonds that I plan to wear DAILY! Not sure if he planned it this way or if it's just a "thing" of his (I truly believe the latter), but my engagement ring is 3 stones and this necklace at such a poignant moment in our lives is 3 stones. I too like the idea of 'past, present, and future' or "me, Bill, and us" or "good times, bad times, and those in between"....whatever the symbolism of the three...I love the gift and love HIM for so much more.

May we all revel in those we love tonight - girlfriends, boyfriends, married, not married, family, children, pets, etc. Here's to Happy HEART day!

It was nice to hear...

It was good to hear two very nice compliments this weekend about two components of my life that are VERY important to me: my happiness and my relationship. And hearing these comments unsolicited is why it meant so much and I wanted to record it.

I was with girlfriends Friday night, one who knows me and Bill really well, and one who knows me only recently and hasn't met my better half :) My new friend spoke of how she loved seeing couples "in love" and who truly enjoyed each other; she is speculating whether this future will be a reality for her own situation. And my good friend says to her, "Well then you just WAIT until you see Bill and Brandi together." I just smiled and said thank you. Again, not a compliment I needed or asked for, but the thought HAS crossed my mind at times if the guests at our wedding, the friends we've met in Tampa, my friends from high school who have only seen us together briefly....do they all KNOW how insanely in love I am with him and even more....how happy? Just curious :)

The next day, I was with two great college friends. I said to one, our friend who drove up to see us consistently BEAMS with happiness - her smile, her joy, her laugh is infectious! She looks at me and says, I've talked about this with another friend of ours...YOU are the same way! YOU have been happier than we've ever seen you before since you met Bill. My heart felt full and I just smiled and said thank you.

So this weekend my question that I've asked to myself a time or two...has been answered. The world DOES know how happy and I am...how much I enjoy my life...and how it's better with the man of my dreams by my side.