Unconditional...

This post is sappy...no doubt about it. I've said it to Bill and several close friends lately...the "sap" is overflowing now that we are in ALMOST in the 4 week countdown. I can't believe we've been as strong as we've been and I can't believe we've maintained happiness the way that we have. I am proud of myself and proud of him...and I can't wait to wrap my arms around his neck when he lands May 28 :)

This song, although I'm not a huge country fan, says EXACTLY what I've always said..and wanted to say..to Bill. So much so...on our wedding day...as the iron gates of the BEAUTIFUL Revolution Mill opened...and dad and I began our walk down the aisle....the musician, who sang this live, dedicated it from the bride to her groom, per my request. However, our family and many of our friends and those who see us walking hand in hand on the street....THEY know...it goes both ways.

So as I think of the (almost) 6 months we've conquered...I dedicate this song to the love of my life once again. "Cross My Heart" by George Strait

Our love is unconditional, we knew it from the start.
I see it in your eyes, you can feel it from my heart.
From here on after let's stay the way we are right now,
And share all the love and laughter
That a lifetime will allow.

I cross my heart and promise to
Give all I've got to give to make all your dreams come true.
In all the world you'll never find a love as true as mine.

You will always be the miracle that makes my life complete,
And as long as there's a breath in me, I'll make yours just as sweet.
As we look into the future, it's as far as we can see,
So let's make each tomorrow be the best that it can be.

I cross my heart and promise to
Give all I've got to give to make all your dreams come true.
In all the world you'll never find a love as true as mine.

And if along the way we find a day it starts to storm,
You've got the promise of my love to keep you warm.
In all the world you'll never find a love as true as mine,
A love as true as mine.


I love you darling and can't wait to see you soon!!
B

Dear Mom,

(I've been itching to post this after my WONDERFUL weekend with mom and dad in town. I love them both and owe them the world. They are exceptional parents and really FUN friends :))

Mom,
I know I said thank you for all you did a million times, but I wanted to write it out and try to express the magnitude.

One of the many fortunate things about our relationship, including dad, is that we are great friends. I was looking just as forward to seeing you as I have any of my other girlfriends. I couldn't wait for you to see where Bill and I have started our life together and how I've adjusted since he's been gone. More important..I wanted you to meet our friends - the people who are there for Bill and I both unconditionally and have continued that dedication since he's been gone. They are good people...just like you and dad. :) I knew you'd get along beautifully.

I greatly appreciate your help here in the house. After all of our conversation this weekend, I can say...decorating and pulling it together seemed overwhelming in the beginning. Therefore, things got placed and continued to "just fit." However, after time in the house with Bill, time in the house without Bill, and someone like yourself whom I respect and love immensely...I needed the prodding to change some of the things I've wanted to change. It's that saying that creeps up again...it does so in ALL WALKS OF LIFE...if you WANT different results - you must change the initial behavior.

Not only was yours and dad's visit comforting, enjoyable, and filled with love...it was also very helpful and motivating.

You guys are my friends (Bill's too :)) and I would have you down as much as possible any time you're available. :) Until next time....

I love you both,
Brandi

The best week ever...

I thought about not writing this blog post, but "blog about it" keeps ringing in my head. Besides the fact, my BFF said "you never know who can benefit from your experience." So here it goes...in all vulnerability and candor...I'm excited and anxious to share this "out loud."

This past week was the best week ever, in 4 months, and it's all because of my new mindset. Again, my BFF asked me "what prompted this" and even through the first part of the conversation, I acted like...I didn't know and that is was just a feeling... I do know. I owe the 'shift' to a thought I had about myself and the way I'm sabotaging myself at home...when I'm alone. I am genuinely happy and focused and involved in several social circles, but when I'm home...alone...I have to deal with her, whom I've come to learn is my inner critic, we'll call her Harriet. :)

Truth is, thinking back to myself as a roommate, I have always eaten Ben and Jerry's in the corner of the kitchen with the lights off...when everyone else is in another room. Or now that I have my OWN house...when husband is away - Ben and Jerry and I will play. So I started to really wonder WHY?! Why when I've committed to bootcamp, getting up at 5:15am 3 days a week, am I still sabataging myself with 3 glasses of wine, or 3 light beers, or pizza, or Ben and Jerry's? I know what I want...what am I afraid of?

I searched for "emotional eating" and found the book that I believe...has prompted my life change. It's "Shrink Yourself by Roger Gould,M.D" It's been ONE WEEK so I have a ways to go, but starting is key....

The book resignates...whether it's eating,drinking,obsessive exercising, etc....the thought process is that we use these vices to escape the insecurity we feel, the solitude, the fear....bottom line - the powerlessness.

As I'm reading I'm thinking...what in the world do I feel so powerless about? I'm a confident, well-spoken, assertive, HAPPY woman! And that's when it dawns on me...I am completely powerless to the fact that Bill's passion, expertise, and drive have landed him a job that took him to Afghanistan. Although I'm supportive to the utmost degree...the fact that what he NEEDED to do for his career AND For US took him away...is out of my control.

So I've allowed myself to feel powerless in ALL walks of life the past few months. I've allowed myself to feel like I couldn't get away from the dogs, I couldn't work in an exercise routine, I couldn't find a new job, and I can't be too independent. My inner critic, Harriet, has said I'm not good enough - I've been in a dead end job for a year - I'm not confident enough - anything new scares me - I'm not assertive enough - people don't like 'ballsy' women. What I've come to learn through the book and my week is that none of this is true. The one thing I can't control is Bill's job is in Afghanistan (although again...it was a mutual decision he'd take it). But what I CAN control is myself, my decisions, the way i conduct myself, and the healthy, confident woman he comes back to.

This week has been priceless. I've not drank a drop, eaten VERY healthy, drank my 2 liters of water, exercised regularly, and just have a confident, less fear-ridden, approach to life. It's feels good...really good!