Will he still laugh at my jokes? Still want to hold my hand for the whole ride in the car? Will he engage himself in the 'house issues' or be distant? As his arrival approaches, and my anxiety and excitement increases....I wonder.
He's a changed man. I know it. I expect it. We anticipated it before his departure on December 5, 2009. But what will this change look like and feel like? The obvious things...he's telling me he's not cutting his hair and maybe just trimming his beard - haha. But what about the changes that aren't on the outside?
Bill has this awesome way of 'compartmentalizing' stuff in his head. Everything from cleaning the showers and toilets (I HATE to do this) and it's just matter of fact for him, to dealing with the images he sees daily in his profession. However, it always makes me wonder if he's doing such a great job of protecting everyone on the outside from what he knows on the inside - who protects him? I've always thought of myself as his protector, but there is concern I can't protect him from this.
I just hope we can be silly like we're used to being and that we'll be able to have a conversation about our weekend plans and which errands we should run on Saturday. I know he'll need rest and I know I won't have all of his mind here because some will remain at work. However, I hope for HIS sake and for my sake as his protector and wife that we can make these upcoming three weeks feel like the three months rest and recharge that I know he deserves.
The things I'm most looking forward to when he arrives? Seeing his smile and hugging him so tight. Touching his face and kissing his lips are TOP priority too. I can't wait for him to return as my "in person" hubby in addition to my "in heart" hubby.
He's an amazing man and we're an incredible team. It will be nice to finally be together again.
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