When a title is tough...

I typed two or three titles for this post and decided none were appropriate. Admittedly, perhaps I'm weighing the importance of this blog post against the fact that Bill experienced three blasts VERY close to his 'home' recently. They blew up the bank he goes to, the supermarket he was planning to go to at noon today, and many other areas of interests for foreigners. Therefore, does the stress I've felt this last week with the puppitos REALLY matter? Of course it matters..based on my frame of reference, but again...what would I title this post?

This past week has been a challenging week for me, Kenda and Maxxis. They are stressing me out and I'm worrying to the Nth degree. I don't exercise them enough. I've gotten them the wrong food because Kenda isn't eating the same. They are bored with their toys. They are bored with me. I'm not the Alpha. They want me to be the Alpha. They're fearful of other dogs. I've socialized them with other dogs from the beginning. I feel I am putting SO much pressure on myself. I want our dogs to be GOOD dogs and I don't want Bill to come back to morons.

So how does one person accomplish what REALLY needs to be guided by TWO people?! I felt certain I'd be able. I felt confident and motivated to attack the task. However, this week...I'm exhausted. We went to a baseball field where dogs play and very RARELY do we have more than 4 dogs. As luck would have it, two dogs entered that M and K didn't know and they SPRINTED to the "new" dog and barked aggressively, confused, nervously, but MOST impactful.....embarrassingly. I never wanted to have the 'bad' dogs in the park and although they have many redeeming qualities, when they lunge at another dog with this awfully panicked bark...and NO bite...I want to crawl in a hole and pretend they aren't mine. But where does that TRULY get me? Where does that get us? Nowhere.

My neck muscles are tense and my mind is heavy with worry. Do I choose to worry about them instead of the impending future of my unstable job or do I choose to worry about them because I can't worry about suicide bombers near Bill or do I choose to worry about the dogs so that I have an excuse not to leave the house...to exercise...to socialize...etc. I'm not depressed - that is FOR SURE - but why does worry consume me so at times?

So with this one, I go to bed and wake up tomorrow...a new day. A new day refreshed...in love with my puppies and the year we have all to ourselves. For now, I bury my head in the pillow.